My thoughts on Crank...(the book)

Ok, at first, Crank left me feeling very uncomfortable. I think the subject matter and the roles of parents all contributed to that. It really felt uncomfortable and dirty  and raw, that this man would allow his daughter to be doing meth and possibly sleeping with this boy right under his nose. That whole first part was gray and dark.
Then, when Kristina (or Bree) moved back to her mom's house, even though she would spiral into a much larger drug problem, the book was still "sunnier" than the time spent with her dad. I can't explain this, but I am apt to visualize what I read so much that often when discussing soemthing I read in the past I am convinced I had watched it as a movie because I can "see" everything so clearly (that however, is why i did not like Deadline, I couldn't visualize it fully. It never seemed real enough for me, that must say something about me as far as who I am and my experinces,but I'm getting too far off subject now). So time spent with her dad: grimy gray, dark and dirty. Back at mom's summerish and yellow, yet full of a stomach tightening pain of disgust and of the knowledge that a life is being wasted.

Ok, I get way too personal in these things. When I was a senior in high school my friends and I dabbled in lots of things we shouldnt have. Not meth, but simialr stuff. We were suburban kids with money. We had happy families and cars and freedom. Too much freedom. I remember we got out of work one night (many of us all worked at the same restaurant) and we were going to try "it" for the first time. We all agreed that it woudlnt turn into an everyweekend thing, we were just curious. Well, a week later, it wasn't an everyweekend thing, it was an everyday thing. It was summertime and our bank accounts were loaded up from our recent graduation parties. believe it or not though,  I have a very high moral conscience. I never, repeat never felt "good" or "comfortable" I was the least into all this of all my frineds and I think it's because my family. I have always had a very close relationship with my mom and dad, and am the middle of five kids. I knew what I was doing would hurt them. The worst day, was when my older sister and her new husband came over to show us pictures of their honeymoon in Jamaica they had just returned from. I remember my mom calling me and telling me "Julie and dave just came over, come home!" everyone was excited to see the new happily married couple and their pictures. I was with my best friend, we have known each other since we were five and my family and hers are very close. We go to my house. We were "on" stuff. I did not want to be there. I was trying to act normal and happy for them, but all I could think about was the stuff out in the car. I looked at my younger brother and sister, both 13, and I felt so low. I looked at my entire family, and felt so wrong. I wanted to be with them, I wanted to want that anyway. i wanted to be good for them. I sat there thinking what if I died and how my family would react. I did not like who I was right then. It was not me.
Shortly after that i told my mom what iw as doing so she would make me stop. It was not hard, I never had that strong of a desire for what i was doing. i was done an that was it. My friends kept it up for a little while until they too got over it. Happy to say we all were able to put that part our lives behind us. That was over ten years ago.
Reading Crank really reminded me of me when I was 17 and 18, except, I was not as far gone as she was, and I always wanted to help and love my fam,ily. Kristina made me very mad the waay she acted towrads her family. I understand it was the drugs talking, but I did not relate to how she acted and how she snuck out. I had a job, a car, and freedom. Ok, so please don't judge...it was one summer, but I really could relate to Crank....not the dark beginning though, just the sunny suburban girl in danger of throwing her life away part.